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How To Write An Online Dating Note To Introduce Yourself: A Beginner’s Bootcamp

How To Write An Online Dating Note Introducing Yourself

How To Write An Online Dating Note Introducing Yourself

Online dating, like dating in person  is a numbers game. The more people you talk to, the better your chances of finding Mr or Mrs (Ms) right.

So how do you got about telling some soulmate-to-be that you’re interested? You send them a note of course!

Your First Online Dating Note

Before you write your first online dating note however, you’ve got to understand one thing: most of your notes will go unanswered. This isn’t because you are lacking in charm or wit, it’s simply human nature. There is nothing wrong with you.

But there are some tips you can use to at least make it past your beloved-to-be’s spam, delete and block-you-for-life filters and here they are…

Online Dating Note Passing Tip #1

Everyone likes to think they’re being targeted for who they are – not who someone wants them to be, or a part of some fantasy concocted in a moment of misguided passion.

So pay attention: read their dating profile information

Everyone wants to feel special or noticed. Pick something from their profile and mention is specifically.

It also shows you’re paying attention and not just out shopping at the virtual meat market.

Online Dating Note Passing Tip #2

Sometimes its not so much what you say as the way you say it. Study their profile and see if you can pick up any pointers. Is the person witty, sarcastic, fatalistic, funny? See if you can find their style of communication and match it. Make sure your note carries the same general tone.

We are most attracted to those who we believe to be like us.

Online Dating Note Passing Tip #3

Be complimentary but don’t be creepy. Any kind of physical compliment is off the table. You’re not trying to come across as a stalker, you’re trying to find something genuine about their personality you can award a virtual high-five to.

Online Dating Note Passing Tip #4

Declare your note a verbal diarrhea free zone.

In other words, keep your note brief. Don’t drop your family history, dating history, desires, how horribly lonely you are or any other baggage in their backyard. Really.

Try to put yourself in their shoes.

Let’s say you got a note from someone and the first thing they do is drop a train load of their baggage (whatever it may be) on you. How willing would you be to answer back? How warm and fuzzy would you feel about then?

Online Dating Note Passing Tip #5

Use the proper language.

Turns out OK Trends data provides us with some fascinating statistics. They looked at a half million different ‘notes’ being passed and analyzed the response rate based on the keywords and phrases used in each note. There were some surprising results:

Bad Grammar, Bad Spelling and Worst of all Netspeak

Turns out that using bad grammar or misspelling your words is pretty bad and will send your note right into the trash. But worse that that is using any kind of netspeak.

Major Online Dating Note Turn Offs:

Avoid ‘like the plague’ using any of these in your online dating note or message:

  • ur (lazy slang for “you are”)
  • r (lazy slang for “are”)
  • u (lazy slang for “you”)
  • ya (lazy slang)
  • cant (misspelled “can’t”)
  • hit (lazy slang)
  • realy (misspelled “really”)
  • luv (misspelled “love”)
  • wat (misspelled “what”)

But humor based netspeak like “haha” and “lol” are just fine and ranked highly.

Forget The Physical Compliments

Words that describe the person’s physical characteristics are a major fail.

Major Online Dating Note Turn Offs:

  • sexy
  • hot
  • cutie
  • cuty
  • beautiful
  • you’re pretty
  • very pretty
  • your pretty (misspelling as well)

But interestingly these online dating words score relatively high:

  • cool
  • fascinating
  • awesome
  • it’s nice that

Watch Your Greeting

A decent greeting can make all the difference, and it’s the more informal greetings that win.

Major Online Dating Note Turn Offs (forget about words like):

  • hey
  • hi
  • hello
  • yo

Instead use a greeting like:

  • how’s it going? (rated highest)
  • what’s up?
  • howdy

It’s also interesting to note that hola scored relative high while the misspelled version holla scored negatively.

Pay Attention To Their Interests

Like we said in online dating tip #1 above, look at their profile and talk about some specific interest of theirs.

Major Online Dating Specific Interest Turn Ons:

  • band
  • metal
  • vegetarian
  • zombie
  • favorite movies
  • tattoos
  • video games
  • literature

Remember those only work if they represent the real interests of the person you’re contacting.

Here’s some connecting phrases you can use to show you’ve read their profile and you’re showing an interest:

  • you mention
  • good taste
  • noticed that
  • curious what

Remember that talking about and sharing common interests is a way to make a connection both in the online dating world as well as in the offline dating world.

Guys Here’s  A Tip Just For You

Make it seem like you’re less sure of yourself. Try to come off as a bit more vulnerable and less threatening.

Major Online Dating Approach Turn On Words:

  • sorry
  • apologize
  • awkward
  • probably
  • kinda

But don’t let your self-effacing approach look like quiet desperation either. The use of these are strictly forbidden:

  • please
  • pls

Online Dating And Religion

OK we hesitated to explore these statistics because it’s sure to piss some people off. The terms are presented in order of importance, but the number one term carries a lot more weight than its more distant second cousins.

Biggest Online Dating Religious Turn On:

  • aetheist

Nest Biggest Online Dating Religious Turn Ons (but are distant second cousins – presented in order):

  • christian
  • jewish
  • muslim
  • allah
  • jesus

Single Biggest Online Dating Religious Turn Off:

  • god (30%)

Maybe it’s best to just not talk about religion.

Now It’s Up To You

Remember that to win the online dating numbers game, your message has to first get through to your target. Paying attention to these 5 tips and avoiding the ‘kiss-of-death’ words and phrases shown in tip #5 will at least get you in the door.

After that it’s up to you.

For More Online Dating Articles:

Online Dating

For More Dating Advice Online:

Dating Advice Online


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