Table Of Contents

Complete List Of Articles

More Articles

Dating Advice Tips: How To Get Rid Of Your Fear Of Dating In 5 Easy Steps

Dating Advice Tips: Overcome your fear of dating and get your dating life back under control...

Dating Advice Tips: Overcome your fear of dating and get your dating life back under control…

Let’s face it, dating advice tips and dating secrets aside, dating can be a pretty scary thing to do.

  • Will the new person like me?
  • Will we get along?
  • Will we have anything to talk about?
  • Is there any chemistry?
  • Is this the one?
  • Will I say or do something stupid?
  • Will I be humiliated?
  • Is it really worth it?

These are all questions you’re either asking now, have asked in the past, or will be asking in the future. Especially if you’ve never dated before or have been out of the dating scene for a while.

Times change and so do people. So even the thought of dating again or for the first time can send an’ ice water’ like chill down your spine causing you to retreat into your own dating fantasy world where dating is easy, fun and nothing bad ever happens.

Emerging From Your Shell

  • Let’s say you do work up the courage to start dating again. Suddenly your mind is filled with more questions and doubts:
  • Where do I start?
  • Am I too young or too old to date?
  • I’m not ready for a relationship right now
  • I don’t think I can jump in and play the “dating game” again – it’s so different.
  • I’ve had some real dating horror stories in the past. Do I want to go through that again?
  • I’m not good at conversation.
  • I couldn’t take being dumped again.
  • Besides where do I start?
  • Where can I meet someone. It all seems like a big meat market these days.

And so on.  The truth is that you’re probably pretty good at coming up with excuses and reasons for not dating, but let’s try some of the reasons for dating:

  • You can meet someone new. Make a new friend who shares some of your interests.
  • You might find a new lover.
  • You can go out and have a great time.
  • You can get out of your daily routine and experience something new.
  • You can practice kissing and possibly learn new kissing tips and techniques.
  • You can experience that sense of intimacy with another person.
  • You can feel excitement and romance again.
  • You can laugh again and feel special.
  • You might develop a deep physical attraction for someone who might also be attracted to you.
  • You might fall in love.
  • You might meet the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
  • If your date isn’t perfect, at least you can be a little less lonely if only for a day or night.
  • Even if the date goes horribly wrong, at least you’ve got a new ‘war’ story to tell

Time To Make A Decision

So its time for you to decide if the pros out weigh the cons. Dating can be emotionally risky and nothing is going to completely eliminate that risk. But If you’re at least  willing to put it on the line again, to experience that magical feeling, we’ve got five tips to help you overcome your fear of dating and slowly get back into the game…

Five dating advice tips to help you overcome your fear of dating and get back into the game:

Dating Advice Tips  Overcoming Your Fear Of Dating Step #1

OK so you had a bad experience in school or maybe a couple of dating horror stories of your own to tell over time so you’re less willing to take a risk. But let’s be realistic. Does the risk of dating pose a serious danger to you or your family? Probably not. Millions and millions of people go on dates every single day without incident. In fact, dating is safer than flying in an airplane and flying is safer than driving a car which you probably do every day. So get over it.

Dating Advice Tips  Overcoming Your Fear Of Dating Step #2

The next step in overcoming your fear of dating is self analysis.

Your self esteem is at stake here. And it can be a fragile thing, “What if my date doesn’t like me?” “What if my date makes fun of me or humiliates me?”

Sometimes people get along and sometimes they don’t.

The whole point of dating is to find a person or persons with whom you can ‘click’ and to meet someone new who might become a friend or even a lover. If your date doesn’t like you, is that the end of he world? No.

People are different.

Look at it this way. Thomas Edison experimented with hundreds of different filament types on his way to discovering a filament type that would glow brightly and last for a while in his electric light bulb. When asked after many hundreds of failures if he was discouraged that he hadn’t found the right material yet, he replied something to the effect of, “Well no, I now know hundreds of ways how NOT to make a light bulb.”

If you don’t click with your date, you can think of that person as just another filament in your quest to find the perfect light bulb and move on.

If they embarrass you or make fun of you, you’ve obviously discovered a rather dim, malfunctioning light bulb so move on and experiment your next filament type.

Dating Advice Tips  Overcoming Your Fear Of Dating Step #3

Once you’ve got your own house in order, it’s time to look at the way you make decisions about who to date.

If you’re afraid of dating, we can conclude that dates either terrify you (see step 2) or you’ve had some bad dating experiences and you’re a little apprehensive.

One way you can help yourself make better decisions about who to date is to make a list. On this list you’re going to include all the things you don’t like about the people you’ve dated or the experiences you’ve had while dating. Create the list and then put them in their order of importance to you. For example:

  • I hate being made fun of.
  • I don’t want a date who tries to get physical too quickly.
  • I don’t want to go to a fast food place on my date.
  • For that matter I don’t like dinner or lunch dates altogether.
  • I don’t want a date who does nothing but talk about themselves.
  • I don’t want a date who tries to control me.
  • I don’t want a date who’s mean to the server or attendant.
  • I don’t want a date who make me feel stupid.
  • I don’t want a date with a ratty car.
  • I don’t want a date who never asks about my interests.
  • I don’t want a date who never talks at all and makes me do all the talking.

And so on – just let your mind flow freely – without editing your thoughts and write them down.

When you’re done, order the list for it’s importance to you. (Note: a man might create and order a list that’s much different than a woman’s list) Here’s an example of how the previous list might be reordered:

  1. I hate a date who tries to get physical too quickly.
  2. I don’t want a date who make me feel stupid.
  3. I hate being made fun of.
  4. I don’t want a date who tries to control me.
  5. I don’t want a date who never asks about my interests.
  6. I don’t want a date who never talks at all and makes me do all the talking.
  7. I don’t want to go to a fast food place on my date.
  8. For that matter I don’t like dinner or lunch dates altogether.
  9. I don’t want a date who does nothing but talk about themselves.
  10. I don’t want a date who’s mean to the server or attendant while we’re out.
  11. I hate a date with a ratty car.

Now when you’re considering going out on a date, or asking someone out, if that person crosses the line on any of your top 10 items, you need to be strong and either end the date right there or refuse to date that person – no matter how attracted you are to them. Use your past experience to guide you. If the new person is sounding like someone you unsuccessfully dated before, there’s no, “Well maybe this one will be different” – instead simply cross them off your list and move on.

Someone once said to me, “but doesn’t that reduce the number of dates I can go on?”

Are you kidding me? That’s the whole point! Have some self respect. Don’t put yourself through dating hell when you can stop it before it even starts, or even before it goes too far.

Dating Advice Tips  Overcoming Your Fear Of Dating Step #4

So your filament is glowing brightly, your house is in order, you’re ready to pick the right date while discarding the wannabe’s, now it’s time to go looking but where? How?

Unless you’ve got the faith of a parachute tester, we suggest starting slow. Go someplace where you’re comfortable and you can meet potential dates. Speed dating might work for you (see our article here).  A coffee shop, wine festival, library, art show, jewelry or rock show, carnival, and the supermarket are all possibilities. Find events that match your interests so you and the person attending will have something in common right from the start. Stay away from the bars and night clubs. Other ideas? What about:

  • Bingo
  • Senior Center
  • Yoga Class
  • Art Class
  • An auction
  • Comic convention
  • Tech convention
  • Marketing convention
  • Festivals of all sorts
  • Company picnic
  • Around the water cooler at work
  • Ask a friend if they know anyone

Get creative! One fellow we know met his future wife at a country and western show when she sat in his lap (she was exhausted). Decide what you want the most out of your date and see if there’s an event that covers it. If so attend it and look around. Chat with the person. Compare what they say and do with your DON’T list. It’s a low pressure, no commitment way to meet people who share your same interests.

 Dating Advice Tips  Overcoming Your Fear Of Dating Step #5

Alright, now that you’re meeting new people, what do you talk about? If you’re bad at conversation go to www.apumpkinpatch.com and open an account. You can chat with completely random strangers with no risk and if you mess up, you can just disconnect and start again. Do this until you get better at talking to new people.

Or you can read our article Dating For Puppets: Conversation Starters. Sure the title seems a bit silly, but it’s an article filled with practical advice that can get the conversation rolling.

Now that you’ve got an arsenal of tools to help you overcome your fear of dating, the secret final step (which is the most important) is this:

Take Action – Do something- Make it happen in your life – Stop wishing and start dating

For More Dating Advice Tips:

Tell Your Friends About Us
SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

3 comments to Dating Advice Tips: How To Get Rid Of Your Fear Of Dating In 5 Easy Steps

Leave a Reply

  

  

  

You can use these HTML tags

<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>

Unable to load the Are You a Human PlayThru™. Please contact the site owner to report the problem.